It’s no secret I have a great distrust in doctors.
This is based on my own personal disappointment over and over again over many many years.
Long before I even got sick.
So, when I was deep in the swamps of feeling awful, I followed my intuition.
I read, explored and experimented, which helped me feel a little better but not enough.
With hesitance, I went for blood work to see if I could learn more. And I did.
My Epstein Barr diagnosis gave me a name, something to hold on to,
and what I’d hoped would be some direction. But there was practically no info on EBV out there.
Only the promise I’d have it forever.
The doc who read my blood tests didn’t even tell me what it was.
So I chugged along. Frustrated, lost and kind of freaked.
I felt like a fraud for having a business called Wellbody.
But I was not giving up.
I had a million symptoms and it was messing with my whole life but no towel would be thrown in.
A few years (yes years) later a friend I am forever grateful to told me about the Medical Medium
and I knew instantly this was my answer. My life line.
There was no question in my heart or mind or gut.
I devoured his book on mystery illnesses, got organized and dove right in to his protocols
with near miraculous success.
And so I spread the gospel.
In Spring I worked with a woman in debilitating pain and other seemingly unrelated symptoms –
and who, by the way coped with complete and total grace and calm.
(I was in awe since I had always felt like a basket case.)
It was no surprise she’d been to every kind of doctor and received every kind of non-answer, including telling her it was all in her head.
After one of our sessions, I shared my story, told her about the book (which she had but hadn’t read)
and which plan might be helpful for her symptoms.
I wanted her to feel empowered.
I wanted her to have her life back.
I told her of his extensive knowledge, the healing cleanse and how it changed (read: saved) my life.
She listened with great interest and asked,
“So how did you find a doctor who would let you do this cleanse?”
(insert sound of needle scratching across a record.)
Honestly my first thought was “Fuck That.” But I was more professional.
“I didn’t tell any doctor. I made this choice,” I answered.
“I knew it was right for me and I didn’t need anyone’s permission to do it.”
She looked at me as if all my teeth suddenly fell out.
And my heart broke a little.
Because I get it. I get the fear.
I’ve had the fear.
The fear of the pain (or fatigue or brain fog or depression or sleeplessness or..).
The fear of what it does to every part of your life.
The fear of what if you’re going to be like this for the rest of your life.
The fear of feeling crazy.
The fear of not having any answers. At all.
The fear of being dismissed by professionals. And loved ones. Who think it’s not real or serious
or are so totally over your whiney ass.
Of not being able to trust your own body.
Of feeling unable, unsexy, unhinged.
What if, in spite of all that you could still trust your body?
More so, what if you could trust your gut?
What if you could reach down deep, grab hold of and embrace your beautiful strong reliable
What if you could ask your body what it needed and gave it a chance to tell you?
And you actually listened.
What if you had the authority over your body, your truth, what you need
and who could truly help you help yourself?
Could you be sovereign?
This word came in to my world through two different people I consider my teachers
within a few months of each other and with two different takes on the concept.
This word intrigued me. This word made me want to dig deeper.
This word both softened and strengthened me.
Then months later this question from my client was like a splash of cold water in my face.
It was the validity that I had indeed become a sovereign being.
But it was also the reality of how greatly we struggle with dependence on other people’s authority
(or the facade of it), and other people’s opinions on how we should live our life.
So I ask again. Could you be sovereign?
Even with pain. Even with illness. Even without all the answers.
And what could that look like?
You making choices.
You owning your choices.
You making mistakes.
You owning your mistakes.
Not you being alone, but rather independent with connection. With community.
This is you making decisions about what you buy, what you consume, what ingredients make up your food, how you take care of yourself, who you choose to help you, who you choose to listen to.
This is you trusting you.
This is you having boundaries and you being responsible and you listening to your body and you taking action.
This is you questioning or even stepping away from health care providers that don’t listen to you, don’t respect you or simply dismiss you.
This is you being your own authority on how you should look or act or be in the world.
This is an active role.
Can you still trust doctors and be sovereign?
Can you be sick or in pain and be sovereign?
Can you ask for help and still be sovereign?
Can you not have all the answers and still be sovereign?
The key is being present. With yourself.
And realizing you do have an inner wisdom. Your gut. Your intuition. We all have it.
It’s like a compass pointing north. It will not lead you astray.
It doesn’t mean you won’t have doubt or fear at times.
But the more you tune in to it, the more you trust it, the more clear you’ll be
and the less you will doubt or fear.
You’re a grown up. You know what’s right and wrong, and right for you.
What I have learned is that sovereignty is synonymous with health and wellbeing.
And health is having options. Choices.
And the authority to make them for my own body. On my own terms.
Even when sick or in pain.
let’s rock this thing.
PS – Anthony William is coming out with a second book.